Famed CEO Missing After Texting Wife "K."
Jeff White, CEO of the famed taxidermy franchise Get Stuffed, has officially been labeled missing after responding to his wife's text message with "K." according to reports from the Sequatchie Police Department early this morning.
Jeff’s wife, Jamie Lynn, is the top suspect in the case but has been unreachable for an official statement. Though she tweeted this last Friday: “I guess we won’t all be going to my mother’s house for Christmas… #peaceonearth." Police are currently searching for her whereabouts.
We were able to catch up with a few of Jeff’s co-workers. COO Ron Engvall had this to say about the matter.
“Everybody knows you never text a woman ‘K.’ I mean, I don’t understand what kind of idiot would do that. Jeff’s smarter than that. At least, I would've thought so.
"The guy’s missing, and let’s hope that’s the worst of it! But he knew what was coming, I guarantee it. I mean, everyone knows that texting ‘K.’ is as good as saying ‘I hate you, and I want you to know that I hate you.’ And adding that period at the end? If he's still alive, it'll be a Christmas miracle.”
We were also able to reach Sergeant Foxworthy of the Sequatchie PD this morning for an official statement. While shaking his head disapprovingly, he said:
“I remember the one time I texted my wife ‘K.’ I thought it was over for me! Stupid auto-correct, it was supposed to say ‘JK.’ But instead my wife thought I wasn’t going to pick up lettuce from the store, and she needed to deal with it.
"I tell you, the fire it lit under her made darn sure I'll never make that mistake again. Literally! She burned my entire baseball card collection, and I’d been working on that sucker for over 30 years! Poor Jeff. If he’s still alive, he’s gotten lucky.”